rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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