I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
