I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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