Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
