I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
