I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
