i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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