Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
