the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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