paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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