I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
