dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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