Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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