I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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