just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
