I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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