Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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