so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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