foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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