Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
