i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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