I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
