So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
