I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize