I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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