did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
