I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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