I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
