Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
