why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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