you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
