the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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