I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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