Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i've created a new STD.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
