someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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