Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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