youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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