thus making me awesome and them whores
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
