worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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