Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
