So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
