Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
