im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
