ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
