i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
