You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
