I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
