i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
