hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
