you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
