I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
Randomize
