i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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