He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
