what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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