this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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