How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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