you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
