then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
