I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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