I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
