I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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