I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
