just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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