They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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