Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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