Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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