ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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