i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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