You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
