he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
