i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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