coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
