I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
