were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
