I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
