my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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