white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
