all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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