She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
