Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
