we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
porn star boner night. come get it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
